McDonald Fined

MaximumTailgating.com's field reporter Joe McDonald told to work

Geneva, NY (JS)—After three weeks of being patient, the front office of MaximumTailgating.com has fined “Joe’s Shorts” columnist Joe McDonald $1,000 for “not being funny.”  After a strong initial start at the beginning of the writing season, McDonald’s pace of producing funny, poignant sports and tailgating stories has slacked in recent weeks, not submitting a single story since his “dreadful, somewhat predictable Terrell Owens story.”

Says website kaiser Mike the Man, “We were extremely excited with Joe’s prospects as a young writer.  We took a chance on him, but like a first round draft pick from Croatia, it was a bad choice.”  McDonald was a top pick in many office-organized fantasy writer leagues, but his lackluster performances of late has left a bitter taste around the nation’s water coolers.  “I work for an office supply company.  I live for my 18 different fantasy leagues.  I wasted a pick on McDonald.  My only consolation is that I made a preseason trade for Tony [of “Dear Tony,” also found on MaximumTailgating.com],” recalls Henry Cooke of Lancaster, PA.

Through his publicist, McDonald released the following statement, “I apologize for my recent performance, or lack thereof.  I’ve had severe writers block lately; I tried to place myself on the DL after a self-inflicted paper cut, but Kaiser K wouldn’t hear of it.  I apologize to all of my loyal fans and promise to produce ‘the funny’ very soon.  God bless you, tailgaters.”

It is still unclear when “very soon” will be, but MaximumTailgating.com hopes “for his sake, we hope he starts working really [expletive] soon.”