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LA Fans Still Tailgating 
Despite Lack of Team
Fans Just Won’t Let it Go
“It’s like when a guy doesn’t have a finger, but still feels an itch where his finger used to be. He still tries to itch it even though its not there. Tailgating is our way of itching our missing finger,” says LA resident Sam Vicuna. “Ever since the Raiders went back to Oakland, I’ve had a giant void in my life. I couldn’t in good faith root for a guy like Matt Leinart. Ballroom dancing your senior year? Maybe if he didn’t have his head filled with pirouetting and rumba, he’d have won another national championship.”
Fans are tailgating up and down the valley, in the hopes that they can show new NFL commissioner Roger Goodell they are serious about having a team once again in the City of Angels. “If we can pre-game for a team that doesn’t exist, just imagine the enthusiasm we’ll have when we actually get a team,” says longtime resident Janette Bates.
As optimistic as the fans of the area are, however, an eerie silence covers the parking lot after the burgers are gone and cans litter the asphalt. “We have nowhere to go,” says one disheartened fan. “We pre-game for a dream, for a hope that may never come.”
Some, though, can see the light breaking through the beautiful green-brown clouds that make this city so special. The light tells them that there is hope. So long as there is ice in the cooler, coals on the grill, paint on fat, hairy bodies, football will be present in this town.
**Our archivists at MaximumTailgating.com scoured the notes and resource room of the Olympic Committee and came across ancient papyrus scrolls, giving detailed accounts of ancient Athenians tailgating before the first Olympic games. |
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